Sorry for keep shamelessly plugging my crowd funder

Sorry for keep shamelessly plugging my crowd funder, I’m not very good at promoting myself, and I’m embarrassed that I am asking strangers to donate to me. Especially for something that could very well fail, and because there have been so many people on the internet who have taken advantage of good people as a con artist.

I don’t think I am ever going to get used to asking for money, since I am someone who tries to be as independent as possible, and I am scared that I will get on everybody’s nerves, by keeping putting up the link.

Thank you for reading.


Does my mental health resource hub, and YouTube channel make me a professional victim?

I’m worried about being seen as a damsel.


Sociopathic Juvenile Whiners.

They make me scared that when I do my mental health series on YouTube, where I am going to talk about it, and the history of mental health all over the world, explaining how feminists and social justice are pulling mental illness backwards. Talk about charities that help and provide details on how to contact them, talk about how family members needs support too. What benefits people are entitled to, The DWP, finding practical solutions, as well as providing information about new treatments and such.

There have been too many feminists and Social justice warriors hijacking mental illness, and now I feel that I won’t be taken seriously by people.

My main plan is to have a site where I update people on services around the country, and maybe the world too. To speak about mental health and we come up with practical solutions. As well as help those in my local community.

However, in the back of my mind, all I can think is: Are people going to think I am as bad as the social justice warriors?

Are they going to think that I am only after attention, and being a damsel in distress?

It scares me to think that mental health has been hijacked, and now not being taken seriously because of these feminist, ideologues that have ruin everything and infect it with their poisonous cancerous talons. Those who have now set back the progress that was slowly being taken, and now we are a laughing stock again.

And it both upsets me, and scares me at the same time. Are they going to bully me, because I am treading on their turf?

Fundraising with GoGetFunding

My Crowdfunder for my Mental Health Resource Hub Idea.

My Crowdfunder for my Mental Health Resource Hub Idea.

Hi, I am perfectlyfadeddelusions, I have a blog I have been writing on, on and off for a while now. I am currently living with my parents due to having mental health problems, severe anxiety, agoraphobia, severe depression; and I have had a physical nervous breakdown seven years ago.

I want to made this site for the core reason that I think finding out about mental illnesses, your rights, and contacts can be a very long struggle. All the sites and charities don’t list many places that isn’t theirs, and most of them are not directly near where you live. Another reason is because, I want to help people concerning benefits, help when sanctioned such as foodbanks and other emergency help, as well as providing a connection and place for people to talk about their problems.

Due to my own experience with mental health, knowing how exhausting it can be hunting for information about services, and charities, especially for those who have mental health and their family members. As it can make you feel as though it is a hard time getting the support you need, where you feel you are not ill enough to get the assistance.

I would like to raise some money for a new computer, at the moment I have a very old laptop I am working from, which is 7 years old and very slow and is incapable of doing more than one or two tasks. I would like to use the new computer so I can work from home as a researcher, as well as make website like a hub for resources for mental health problems. In addition to making a safe place where people write about their conditions, get advice, and be in an understanding community.

I also want make handmade cards, draw art and pictures for my handmade cards, make podcasts, and maybe YouTube videos with my friend and guests from YouTube and charities and so on. As well as make videos about the history of mental health and how people with mental illness are treated around the world so we can talk about the topic.

I hope that once my local mental health team has accessed me, I will be able to get a benefit, which will provide some money to pay a support worker to go places with me, so I am able to travel around.

I know it is a lot of money to ask for, and I that I could do this for nothing or very little. On the contrary, this is a long-term project, which I am planning to take further, and move into my own community working in conjunction with those with mental health in the company of love and support.

The money will be used to buy an iMac, printer, and software to use to write scripts, make inserts for cards, and for my research on mental health. And to make animations (though not very), to use in videos to make more fun.

I also plan to sell cards, and other handmade gifts to raise money for my project, as well as for charities. I will sell some cards on EBay, and the money paid will go to different mental health charities, from all different countries, as well as the UK. When selling on Etsy, the money will go straight into projects, and for papers, information, thesis, academic papers behind pay walls. I would also like to pay the contributors back, as I feel this would be an appropriate thing to do, because I want to be as transparent and thankful as possible.

Eventually if this project is successful, I am hoping to use the money I get from cards, and other will be used to rent a place in my area, where people can come and talk, make friends, and find useful support in finding employment. To expand the help on the website, have and training staff in the local job centre or employment agencies as to how to communicate with people with mental health. Be a representative for clients, communicating with other charities in research and making sure people with mental health problems are able to live their lives as best as they can.

Fundraising with GoGetFunding

I would like to get everyone who works in mental health and businesses to work together in the local community. Part 2

This is a continuation of yesterday’s blog, where I was talking about my Mental Health Resource Hub, and how it will be working in the community in the draft stages. I would like to add to this, as I have many more ideas in my mind for helping people in the community, as well as describe the other parts of The Mental Health Resource Hub Network.

With the whole community involved, this should help with the stigma on people with mental health problems, as they will be able to demonstrate how they are just regular people too.

The website will be full of information, resources, and helpline numbers for people with mental health problems. This will include news on mental health, technology and mental health, and medicine and mental health where I will also be doing the same on the YouTube Channel. This is where I will be talking about the history of psychology, history of Mental illness, treatments, how mental illnesses are diagnosed, medications, book reviews, etc.

At the same time, I would like to empower people to find the help they need but also to encourage people who would like to help others too, to start their own hub. I will also be providing local information, legal, medical, charities, and governmental information to benefit from becoming a hub though never in a forceful way.

Meaning more people will understand mental health problems, more advocating, and more pressure on the government as they would see the results and see that these projects need more money.

As I said before in part one, I do not know if this will actually work. However, there is no harm in trying projects to help people in your community with mental health problems.

There is also the chance to raise money for charities, and local charities with events taking place in the local community, where people with mental health problems can get involved. Whether that will be by art, or cooking, or anything creative, it would be good to have the community stand together to help one another and charities.

With the online part of my Mental Health Resource Hub, I plan to do monthly streams to raise money for mental health charities, as well as try to do things for local charities as well. Though the logistics of that are not very clear at this very moment, I will be making cards and gifts to sell for charities, as well as a way to raise money for The Mental Health Resource Hub.

Sorry this is short, I cannot think of anymore to write in this part, however when I do I will be posting a part 3.

Once I have edited these into a main document, I hope to post the whole document into a blog post.

I hope this is not too confusing or boring, I am hoping this is going to go towards a business plan, so I can make the Mental health hub happen.

I would like to get everyone who works in mental health and businesses to work together in the local community.

I have been ruminating about for a while, especially when I was at Maximus under the ESA WRAG program the government and DWP felt I was capable of work. I have also seen how stretched the Mental Health Trust in my area is, and how long people have had to wait for therapy services, add to that the amounts of cutbacks the government has made to the services as well.

I do not know if this is going to work, or if this is a good idea, it is just something that has been going through my mind for a very long time. This is also a work in progress, so I will be adding to this from time to time too, because this is just a draft.

Please let me know what you think, and feel free to comment and add points, or ask me to change parts, I am very open to ideas.

My idea is to have all the charities, businesses, and departments work together so that people with mental health problems could get help, but also bring more to NHS Trusts. I know this is something you are working on at the moment, and it is great to see that local places in the area are trying to help.

Therefore, a lot more people could get help during waiting for treatment from local community centers, and community therapies. As well as having other service users, help other service users, or peer to peer, which would be good for people who find it hard to go outside to make a friend and go to places. Key workers and social workers could pop into these places to have a chat about what is going on, and keep an eye.

People with mental health problems do not like to go outside, maybe have to live off food banks because of benefits being sanctioned, and are deeply depressed. This could be applicable for some elderly people who live alone, do not have family, or their family live far away from them and have mental health problems, dementia, and Alzheimer’s, people with autism, and disabilities.

To me this would take a lot of pressure off NHS Trusts, who already find it hard to fund therapies and new therapists for their communities, which sometimes are linked with more than one borough’s.

The DWP could be involved, and should be connected with charities like Shaw Trust, Remploy, and others in the community. There should be more contact between the DWP and Mental Health Trusts and GP’s, where there is more contact between the concerning benefits, especially those on WRAG and JSA. The Job Centre is very good at pressuring and treating people with mental health problems terribly and it would be nice if the staff of the DWP treated these people better.

I do not know if this would be possible, but starting slowly might be the key to start and see what does happen with this idea, and the fact it needs to be talked through with the relevant people and organizations to see what they think.

It would also be helpful to consult clients on this, to see how they feel about this prospect. Whether they feel it would be too much, or far too little, and if this will need funding, or if clients will need to pay a small fee for these services.

This would also be good in keeping people well, benefiting the patients and helping the Mental Health Trusts with their waiting times, the same with GP’s, although there should be more check-ups on people. While people with severe mental health problems get the help they need quicker, and would benefit from the community centers too.

The Mental Health Resource Hub would be a nice place to add to this, I have plans to provide a space where people can meet people, classes for those who want to learn new things. Whereby they can learn about their mental health problems, get help looking for a job, have crafting and art, provide trips to the supermarket, have professionals come in and talk about mental health, psychology so people can ask understand.

Leading to having doctors and nurses come to do check-ups on people who are scared of going to the doctors, haircuts, massages, and ways for people to look after themselves. People will get used to the people and are more likely to go spend time there and look after themselves, or go to places that they would not usually spend time going. People will recommend going, and businesses and charities will get more trade and people using their services in the community.

I would also like to provide food for people, especially those who are not getting the money they need from their benefits, or are on a low wage, so at least they can have a good meal. Deliver food from foodbanks to people, and even take people to foodbanks to get food for themselves and their family. Have coffee mornings, take people to the movies on quiet days, have movie nights at the Hub, take clients on trips, and maybe have a comfort animal come in to give people comfort and to also let clients come on walks with me and other staff members.

With the job recruitment part, I would like to be an advisor, or at least have advisors to help people with mental health problems find the job that will fulfil them, as well as be flexible and understand mental health problems. There needs to be more training for local businesses and employers to understand mental health problems, and be more willing to be flexible and understanding.

I know Shaw Trust do something like this, but when I had it, nothing happened and I was just left to fend for myself. This would be a great opportunity to ask people what they would think of these subjects, to contribute their ideas, and ideally, in a place where they do not feel pressured or influenced by other people.

There should be more information provided about people with mental health problems setting up their own businesses, what support they will get from different sources. It would be great for people with mental health problems to have the freedom to work for themselves and be supported as much as they need or want to be. Also, be there for other people when they first start on the road to self-employment, acting like mentors and such, and can bring to the hub to talk to groups or individuals.

Another sector, which might be good to bring into talk, is local council members and our local MP, where they can explain their jobs and departments, as well as troubleshoot problems in private for people who are unable to talk on the phone, or go to the council themselves. Either this could be a weekly thing, or a monthly thing, but at least people would have more of an understanding of what goes on at the councils departments, and feel assured they will get problems dealt with. The Job Centre, Citizens Advice, and other places could do this with people, it would give people reason to feel confidence in going, and the willpower to get problems dealt with. This could also include learning to budget, whether they are able to receive other kinds of help with rent, child tax credit, extra benefits, or working tax credits.

I would like to try to help people write letters to people and institutions such as property owners, DWP, etc. As well as providing help filling in forms, such as job applications, and application forms for benefits.

Otherwise, ask a Key Worker to try to help.

As there are some people who may need more help, and knowing they will be understood and served in a respectful manner will help people with mental health problems know they will be in safe hands, and encourage them to go to the offices themselves, giving them confidence and some kind of independence. This would be particularly good for people with severe mental health problems, severe anxiety, and severe depression to work to go to important places and take care of their needs.

There is also the opportunity to work with people using CBT Techniques to use for everyday real life things, rather than just in a classroom, to change some things, and make a start to be independent. As well as other psychological techniques, that could be used to help people with their daily living.

My Thoughts A On Pedophiles And Paedophilia

As a survivor of five years being sexually abused by my stepbrother, from the ages of 11 to 16. I am disgusted. These people don’t want help, they lie, that’s how they get their victims to do what they want them to do. So when they ask for help, do you think they are doing it to get help, or doing it to look good?

How do you think they get out of prison, they lie, they say they don’t have feelings for children, when they do.

They need to be named and shamed, and put somewhere, where they cannot hurt children. Even pedophilia hurts children, it encourage more abuse to be made and children to abuse by adults.

Is that really fair on children?

Dear T

Dear T,

Thank you for being a big part of my recovery, I will miss you terribly, I feel we have a kindred spirit as we have the same name.

I will miss your encouragement and warmth that you bring to every session, the understanding in your eyes and face, makes me feel safe to explore my creative side again.

Thank you for giving me a chance, for supporting me, and for helping me reorganize things in my head. I am so excited to draw pictures all the time, and to use it to help people with mental health problems. Drawing has helped me to calm, to make a difference in my confidence, as my mum has told me.

Nevertheless, I will

You are a very lovely person, and I wish you well and success in your next placement. You are brilliant, and I know you will go far.


Best wishes, I hope you like this picture of Buddy I have drawn.  budstien1

What Constitutes as Victim Blaming?

What constitutes as Victim Blaming?

Let’s start with what my therapist said, as to why My Step Brother abused me.

He said it was because he was jealous of me.

But is that just fact or victim blaming?

Would it be victim blaming if someone said it was parents fault he is abusing me? I know this not to be true, but I am just using this an example to understand where I am coming from.

I understand where my therapist is coming from, it does sound like victim blaming, but it also sounds like there is something wrong with my step brother, who at the time was 16 years old and I was 11 years old.

So I am wondering if victim blaming is real, or how you look at the way someone said something?

Is only keeping to a narrative, and only thinking along those lines the reason why my therapist’s conclusion would be construed as victim blaming?

See, there is a reason he said he was punishing me. My step brother who had tried to stick himself inside my virgina, actually raped me anally. He would do that very hard and forcefully, and then finish inside me.

So would my therapist saying he was punishing still be victim blaming now you know this little bit of information?

I’ts like at school being bullied, and me reacting. I would I was wrong to react the way I did, I would also say that it encouraged them further, because they saw it got to me. And though at the time the teachers didn’t do anything, I could very easily blame them for not intervening in the situation. But saying that I shouldn’t have reacted in my eyes, isn’t victim blaming, it’s just something you learn now you have grown up, and are away from that situation.

I’m also not saying there are not times when people do not victim blame, I has a manager who blamed me when I was working. She used my mental health to say I was going crazy, and tried to get me fired from the store. All because I knew more than her.

But I would say this is victim blaming, in the context that the manager (a woman) was using it for her her own gains, rather than something that could be taken out of context. She wanted this to make me seem like I had no way to stand up for myself, and leg to stand on, whether I was right or wrong. She was making sure everything I did and everything she would set up, put me closer and closer to being fired by the boss.

It’s very different from taking your own personal responsibility for yourself, which is another ball game in its self. It’s something that needs to be discussed, and something that needs to be sorted. Because at the moment, if anyone does anything bad, and you say they have. Then they call that victim blaming, without taking responsibility.

So the conclusion would be, I am not responsible for what my step brother did, nor am I responsible for letting even though I fought him right?



Forgiving your abusers?

Why do people make a big deal about forgiveness to your abuser?

I mean it’s not like they have asked or apologised for what they have done.

And if they did apologise would it be real, or would they just be saying it for the sake of everything being better for them.

When I spoke to my last therapist, I mentioned about my step brother going to prison and the counselling he received. I wondered if therapy actually worked for sexual abusers or if they merely play the system to get out early.

Still having those feelings. I know this probably sounds all like a bad conspiracy theory, but it crosses my mind. I mean they are good actors after all, and well wouldn’t they put that good acting to use in prison too.

I am not forgiving my step brother nor the man who raped me. As far as I am concerned they do not deserve forgiveness. If they really did want to apologize they would have done it by now.

People say forgiving them takes the weight off, but I think it just helps cover the subject further.